Why Being Single Sucks

As mentioned in a previous post, I recently celebrated another birthday, so yes, for those of you who didn't know, I will gladly accept your belated birthday gifts! Birthdays have never been a big thing for me; I'm not one of those people who does a birthday week (or month!) or who makes sure that everyone knows it's her special day. There have even been a few times where I've gone somewhere else for dinner on my birthday than where I would have preferred because it wasn't worth the conflict with others. My birthday is in the summer so when people ask me what a perfect birthday would be like it would include being outside, sunny weather, Pina Coladas and some body of water (such as the ocean...if I get to be picky. I mean, c'mon, it is my birthday after all!) And if we're going to push my celebration into the evening, it should also include Mexican food. Oh, and people I love also there. In my opinion, this should not be a difficult birthday to execute. In fact, I would take that every year if I could! 

The funny thing is, however, birthday's have never been that great for me. I've never quite found anyone who is interested in spending a day with me like that. People have been busy, the weather has been abnormally cold or people just flat out were not interested. Last year, however, was one of the greatest birthday's I had because I got to have my perfect day (which is how I know I would be cool with it the rest of my life.) The guy I was dating at the time and I shared a birthday so we took all of our favorite things and combined them into one day of activities that included a pedicure, Starbucks, pool time, a limo ride, one of our favorite restaurants and a great place for drinks afterwards (among a few other things). Turns out that when both people’s mission is to make it the best day for the other person, you both end up having an amazing time!

Perhaps it is because another year is in the books and it gets harder to resist getting botox for those inevitable wrinkles I am getting, but birthdays often times seem to be this “in your face” way of showing your relationship status. Well, for me at least. As I sat on my couch after just having ordered Domino’s pizza for one, it became painfully obvious that I was the only one sitting there and celebrating me. As I talked about this with family and close friends, the conclusion we came up with is that birthdays as a single person truly can be awkward and difficult. When you are dating or married you have someone who is planning you a party or at the very least asking you what to do. For one day of the year it is usually their mission to make sure that everything is about you. As a single person it can be much more difficult to have to ask a friend if they would like to plan you a party (yes, yes, I know I could just plan the party myself but sometimes I don’t want to do that either!)

I know it can be easy to get caught up in a downward cycle of cynicism or bitterness of all of the things that are more difficult when you are a single person, but I just couldn’t resist sharing with y’all all of the things that I came up with on my birthday this year of why being single kinda sucks (on other days too—not just your birthday)!

Top 25 Things that are Difficult when you are Single

1. Those little tiny buttons on the back of your dress or shirt that are impossible to button yourself
2. When you are holding a waffle cone in one hand and bags in the other and your phone rings and you have no one who can hold your waffle cone (and you can’t set it down!) 
3. When your shower head is screwed on too tight which doesn't make it possible to switch to the shower head that you really want.
4. Having to make up elaborate stories to your Uber cab driver about your husband who is still sleeping while you are on the way to the airport early in the morning so that the driver doesn't go back to your house and rob it. 
5. Trying to put together cute, non-yoga pants outfits when you get invited out.
6. Really coming to terms with having to save for retirement on your own (which is even harder when you are self employed)
7. Thinking about getting a dog and knowing that you have full potty-training-responsibility
8. Wondering if you should give up your bed to couple friend/family from out of town and opt to sleep on an air mattress
9. Having no way of gauging if my PMS symptoms are normal or if they impact others in a negative way.
10. Having to plan birthday parties for yourself
11. Cooking for one, despite the fact that you love cooking, because you don’t want to have to eat lasagna for then next 14 days.
    
12. Having to ask yourself if the dress you are wearing makes you look fat
13. Literally having no one else to blame for the mounds of laundry sitting, unfolded in a basket. 
14. Believing that Lorelai and Rory Gilmore are actually your best friends and therefore convincing yourself that spending the night watching them on Netflix is just as good as spending time with your actual human friends. 
15. Seriously considering changing up the side of the bed you sleep on so that you don't have to wash your sheets as often. 
16. Explaining to the guy with the gold teeth at Jiffy Lube, every time you go in for an oil change, who again tells you he notices you don’t have a wedding ring on that you are still single and that you still aren't interested in him taking you out for a good time. 
17. Drinking at home, by yourself, more than one night in a row. 
18. Being terrified of rodents and, after finding them (ahem, a rat) in your home having to put your big girl panties on to catch it AND dispose of it. (Side note: I've come a long way in my fear of rodents after 2 particular experiences!)
19. Figuring out how in the world you can have so much garbage that you have to put the garbage can out every week. 
20. Not knowing if cleaning the house while wearing short shorts, soccer socks, high heels and blasting Kelly Clarkson is sexy or considered abnormal and something I should be seeing a therapist about. 
21. Figuring how to evenly disperse sunscreen on my back so that I don't have outrageous tan lines. Or just figuring out how to put sunscreen on my back, period. 
22. Having to wonder if showering and personal hygiene is really that important since there is no one that is actually that close to you (physically).
23. Having to work really hard to convince yourself that signing up for the Bachelor really will not be that good for your mental health and sanity. 
24. Buying yourself gifts from Santa and then having to wrap them up, set them up and act surprised in the morning
25. At some point, having to adjust to have someone else in your space...your carefully crafted space and safe place. YOUR space that prior to the relationship you thought you were care free and low maintenance about only to find that you are perhaps one of the most OCD people in the world and actually get crabby about someone else not arranging the pillows on the couch just right. 

I know, I know...these are definitely in jest, but seriously people, the struggle is real! So to that end, who would like to start planning my birthday party for next year?

©Lainey Dreson. 2015. All Rights Reserved.