Whitney is the Greener Grass

Nikki, Juan Pablo and Clare

Well, we have finally reached the end of another season of the Bachelor. As I was thinking about what to write today, I was reminded of the last season of the Bachelor with Juan Pablo and the way he had treated some of the women on his season, namely, Clare Crawly—the girl he didn’t pick in the end. There was so much drama leading up to the “After the Final Rose” special that news articles picked up the stories for days. While Clare was poised, classy and spoke courageously for herself (see my blog from last year about it, here) the drama surrounding Juan Pablo and his final choice, Nikki, is still being talked about. 

So as viewers sat around their televisions last night, most people prepared for the ending that happens every season—one girl leaving an utter mess, crying and confused as to why she didn’t get picked and the other girl being picked while America scratches their heads going “what the hell?” But, in a season that has been anything but drama-free, this final episode of the season was anything but dramatic. And I think it’s because there were only clear winners and no clear losers. 

Courtney and Lindzi 

What I mean by that is this: inevitably in almost all season finales one of the finalists is a “character” who is surrounded by drama or vanity or ego and the other, is usually a very clear choice because of their genuine, authentic, kind and sincere demeanor—and usually unchosen. Ben Flajnik chooses Courtney over Lindzi. Jake Pavelka chooses Vienna over Tenley. Juan Pablo chooses Nikki over Clare. We see it happen over and over again; and for me I know I feel the sting just like Lindzi, Clare or Tenley because once again, a good girl has been told she is not good enough as compared to a competitor that (though likely edited to look this way) seems to be on the show for “the wrong reasons”. 

Last night was different though. Despite Prince Farming’s painfully awkward conversation skills and seemingly inability to make swift choices (although, I don’t know if making swift choices is necessary if we are trying to decide who to marry), he really narrowed it down to two fabulous, undramatic and completely sincere, authentic, courageous and lovely women. Truly either one would have been a fabulous choice. Throughout the season these two women, Becca and Whitney, were devoid of drama, confident in who they are and seemed to put a lot of thought and sincerity into their relationships with Chris. 

[Even when producers tried to create some drama based off of Becca’s virginity or her uncertainty in wanting to proclaim her undying love and commitment to a man she had only known for six weeks (which, c’mon, after a few one-on-one dates and some scattered time inbetween, with cameras following you everywhere, would you be able to confidently move your entire life to Arlington, Iowa to be with a man you barely knew???), there just seemed to be a level of reality to Becca that was evident in her maintained physical standards and unwillingness to create a false sense of relationship or say thing that she knew she didn’t mean.] 

Even though I really liked Becca, I have to admit, I was thrilled that Whitney was the one that Chris proposed to. From their first date it was apparent that Chris was smitten with her and there was something about the dynamic that the two of them had that seemed like it could translate outside of the Bachelor bubble. On top of that, Whitney had a confidence and purpose about her that was missing from most of the girls. She was a woman who has worked hard at getting to where she is at—career wise, relationally, emotionally and mentally—and she stood head and shoulders above the rest. She spoke with eloquence and passion; articulating her thoughts and feelings with ease and certainty and she never shied away from telling Chris, the cameras, or America that this was a man she wanted to be with. 

After Whitney spent time with Chris’ family, Chris and his brother in laws and father collaborated in the garage to talk about what they saw. All of the men were clearly #TeamWhitney. When Chris began telling them about Becca, though completely unable to articulate why he liked her (red flag!) one of the brothers wisely said, “are you sure this isn’t just about the chase—us guys like going after what seems impossible”. AMEN!!! While Chris tried to assure him that this was not the case, I think it helped me be clear on why I was rooting so hard for Whitney. Sure, she might have come on strong (though I think that is probably just who she is, and it’s actually quite endearing) but her confidence of the relationship was getting overshadowed by Becca’s mysteriousness—so much so that he almost considered choosing Becca over Whitney. 

I will spare you the incredibly painfully awkward conversation between Chris and Becca where she refused to give him any semblance of hope to hold onto that she was interested in picking up her life to move with him or that she loved him and skip to the end. Chris chose Whitney. Through whatever methods of processing Chris used, Chris finally figured out that Whitney truly was the best for him—they were at the same place in life, they wanted the same things, and most importantly, she loved him and he loved her. 

In a re-cap blog, Bachelor host Chris Harrison made a great point saying, “Why we make life and love so difficult for ourselves I’ll never know, but we all do it.” So often, whether it’s on the Bachelor or in our own individual lives, it seems like we make decisions based on intrigue, mystery, the unattainable or even what we hope things could turn into instead of looking at the reality before us. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t dream, hope or that we should settle—we should absolutely go after what we want. But I agree with Chris Harrison in that we often times look over the things we want, the things we need, the things that match up with our values, passions and vision for our life because of the slim possibility that the grass maybe might be greener on the other side, maybe…if we try hard enough…maybe.  

This is not to say that Becca would have been a bad choice (in fact, I think she really won in her own way—talk about empowerment in continuing to voice her truth, stand up for what she wants and not give in to pressures just because it would create great TV…seriously, that’s a win in my book!) But Whitney was the best choice and because of that I think I have a little bit more hope in my own dating journey. Whitney never seemed to view this show as a competition—she maintained a sense of who she was and what she wanted and never swayed from it. 

For me, it has been discouraging to get passed over by guys in relationships because there is someone else who is more mysterious, more aloof, prettier, thinner, more loose, etc. Sometimes I question if I need to take myself down a few notches—not pursue my career with so much passion, lower my standards, appear less intelligent, loosen my boundaries. I can’t imagine that I would be happy with that but sometimes I think that if lowering my own happiness can take the edge off of loneliness it might feel good for a while. But the fact of the matter is that I would be asking someone to like me for something I’m not rather than embracing all of who I am. 

So that’s why I like Whitney—because she never swayed from who she was. She never lowered her standards to get more attention. She was confident in every move she made and word she spoke. And finally, finally it paid off as a farmer from Iowa took notice, decided to stop making life so difficult for himself and asked her to ride off into the sunset of forever in his tractor.